活了 26年，最近才活的比较自我，当我发现只要我不在乎那么多，我就开心多了真的。人活着短短几十年，让自己舒服，好过才是对得起自己。

我心中嚮往的人生

讓我們紅塵作伴活得瀟瀟灑灑，策馬奔騰共享人世繁華。對酒當歌唱出心中喜悅，轟轟烈烈把握青春年華 。

Its almost end of March, and progressing to ending the first quarter of 2019, yea basically the picture says it all. I am trying really hard, to keeping in-tact my school work to handling all the new work thrown into my face. I know that I shut off from this world and my friends for almost a month, and I am super grateful that most of my friends are really understanding, and to really let me be. I really wish to say sorry and I am very thankful for each of you that stayed with me despite my current conditions.

I know I am a workaholic, and the last thing that I ever wish to see myself in is that my work and work performance are affected and in a negative way. How depressed I felt and it does took a tow in my work, as I did felt that I slumped into the bottom pit of my work, and it starts to affect people around me. One more issue which makes me feel burdened, is that I did get a good PB for 2018, somehow I feel that I don't really deserve it? Maybe because I feel that I did not manage to do as much as to deserve a B grade. I heard that if I manage to get another B grade in 2019, it means that I would be due for a promotion, but I don't wish to place too much hope in it though not to eventually not even manage to like get there? Anyway I will still do my best, pull myself up and yea I will see how it goes.

School just ended and I am still blogging before I go home, prolly because I know that if I don't do it here, it would be ages again before another post will be up, since I will just go home, clean myself up and head to bed. [P.S. I really need to have a channel out to vent how I feel.]
I am trying to live a healthier life by sleeping earlier, and you know I need to lose weight why? Cuz I am at the heaviest point in my life now [dig a hole and burry myself inside lol.] It is affecting parts of my health, and other than for health, it would also be for beauty wise, whhich I need to shed off the calories haish.

Anyway time check now is almost 10.35pm, so I need to rush home now. Till next time then.

2019

Hello 2019,

Another neglected site of mine just like my twitter account, I guess as we grow older and really progressed into adulthood, we won't touch so much of our social medias or even continue blogging (it was a huge trend in my teenage years). Now i see all the blog links which I had from (mostly) once my close friends, 90% of them are neglected and the last post is like what 2013? Freaking 6 years ago man, guess I never gave up my blog is because I know that its a secret heaven for me to vent out whatever I feel, and it won't be disclosed and read by anyone around me now.

So this female here is 26 this year, and I started blogging since 2007 when I am 14? So it have been 12 years!!! WOW I grew from a much nonsense teenager to a full-time working adult now. Still remember how this blog started, because it was such a huge trend back during my secondary school time, one of my girlfriends back then sorta 'forced' me to create a blog and even helped me to do it, because I am such a sucker at IT and technology stuff, and since then this blog have been in my life. Although the post gets lesser and lesser as I grew older, but I kept it with me and I even manage to have at least 1 - 2 post per year, I shall really try to update as much as I can, hopefully will be more of happy things which are occurring in my life, rather than sad and upset post about my life. In short I hope when I come inside to blog it would not just be a location or due to me being upset.

2019 will be of a new beginnings, a fresh year and yes I will be going back to school to study part-time university, I hope I do well and manage to graduate before i become 30 years old, which is what? 2023? Somehow I am also a bit afraid to walk to the big 3 in my life, I hope by then I manage to achieve more in life.

Anyway Happy 2019, let's pray for a good year and remember Shi Jie: 'My Life, my way' Do what you want and wish in life.

How?

为什么好像每次来这里就没有什么好事。
Sometimes idk how to help people around me esp those who are dear & close to me, I feel so tired & even angry, but I know I couldn't just leave like that. Is not right but I am not a saint, I have my weak & upset points as well. Now that mummy is gone, it seems like no one else can listen & understand how I really felt.

我快要窒息了，是不是死了就不會那麼辛苦。突然間我似乎明白為何鍾鉉哥哥會自殺，可是我心裡明白為了爸爸，爺爺奶奶和外婆我還不能結束我的生命。我也不能上別人看到我的脆弱，無論如何我還是要笑臉應對。

有誰知道我有多累，心裡有多崩潰。